2005-05-19 at 12:21 p.m.
its term two now....and alas my troubles dun seem to be getting any easier!! Its realli quite gay that things dun turn out like in fairytales, cux if they did, it would make my life a whole lot easier. When i came bak this term, on the friday to saturday, I had geography camp which was basically going to different beaches on the mornington peninsula, and consequently getting blowed by the wind, until eventually sand got in my hair & mouth....slthough the funny thing is i didn't topple over frm the high waves either....lol~~aniwaex geog camp was fun & it was realli gd....and since it was china's national week holiday, my dad came ova for the first week of may....undoubtedly there was scene that he threatened me with the school fees again.....that made me upset....along with my chem tutor being an arse.... cux she says all i do at tution is ask her stuf frm school....i mean isn't that what i'm supposed to do??? I realli dun get her sometimes...but yea...her stupid fone call caused me a whole lotta crap...so thanks to her. Until then, i had been going to skool continuosly, although not at form assembly, but i was there everyday. But after my dad went back....the overhelming skoolwork juz sank into me, and i swear if i could make a river of all the hwk that i have~i would most likely be drowning in it. And then on monday came the night where i almost thot i would revert to my old ways again.....i felt so lost, so sad, there was just this paining feeling that i felt the whole night because this cycle of my life was repeating all over again.....
And of course i wallowed in self pity that night, and the next day, my mum yelled at me for not going to school, but then when i broke out in tears telling her that i think i'm gonna fail...i fink she understood all my worries & uncertainties...because i knoe it more than anyone that this is my last chance, my only oppurtunity to make my future & dreams come true, and i can't let this get in the way, I have to do this for myself & really work hard for it. Believe me, I nv would have imagined finishing high school would be such a traumatic matter for me...but i guess u learn new things everyday right?? ^^ I came to a conclusion that if i actually succeed in accomplishing this, that its a true testament of my character~~if i can do this, complete this and beat this then i know that i'm strong & that i can do anything~i just need to pick myself up from where i've fallen, and just try again. eventhough my skin the last fast few days has been terrorising me....cux esp my face....and it gets me soo agitated and fraustrated....because if there is something wrong with my skin i take it sooo personally, and i almost feel that i could die now because of it being this way. The wellness of my skin is sooo important to me~and i get stressed out just if it flares up, and then i just can't do anything because i'm so crushed.....i need to control my emotions,....but i hope the school & the teachers can understand my situation, as they don't really understand it....i've missed skool....there is sooo much things that i need to complete, i have to keep my skin well, get a gd nights sleep, wake up early & get to skool on time......this may be very easy for you, but it takes so much out of me just to complete the above tasks....so u can imagine
So i just hope that things will go my way~and that no matter what, I'll nv go back to the way i felt when i was in depression. That kind of pain & suffering has haunted me ong enough, and i won't allow myself to be so brutally hurt again~cux i wun be able to withstand it......
allie xoxoxo
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