2004-11-07 at 2:16 p.m.
well i've decided that i wanna make this entry my longest entry~~hahahahx~well i'm procrastinating....the plague is gory ok!!! And i frankly don't want to know the details of the nymph thing bursting & also rats dying...not exactly what i call fun~~~-_-''
Surprisingly enough~~on fridaii at english tution~i learnt more about Albert Camus~~and i dunno la~~hex theory of life kinda makes sense....he believed in existentialism, which basically means that he believed that human life as a whole lacked meaning and purpose, because existentialists believe that life itself is worthless as we are all going to die one day~so what for live? So why did god create us then~~but the interesting thing is Albert Camus's view~~he felt that "life is a kind of hopeless, endhill, uphill labour", and that the only problem is that of suicide~~
hrmmz~~Camus felt that since our life will end~we should treasure every single minute of it~and live for the day~carpe diem....omg i can't believe i still remember that from last yr's english class...we had to watch Dead Poet's Society But aniwaex~~have u eva realized that those who do commit suicide are alwaiiz running away from a problem, not wanting to face it as, they fear the truth & also the pain brought by it~~it's true, the truth does hurt, and when we actually accept it and deal with our lives, we live to see that there really is a better tomorrow~and things do not stay the same forever, sometimes you just have to have faith in yourself and just believe~~~
I've gone through alot this year~~many of u might be oblivious to this fact~~mabbe my acting skills have improved~lol...but yeah, you can;t turn back time, and you can't wallow in self pity forever, because it simply doesn't do u any good~~Many may feel that I probabli wasted this year, in terms of my education...and perhaps I have~~because i missed soo many classes as i was sick~~but u knoe wat?? I don't regret what happened...eventhough the pain was at times intolerable and i realli gave up at times, i feel i have grown as a person. Now i look back at how I used to think...and i'm just like wow..i was soo naive/stupid back then~~lolx.
When u feel that u've been from hell and back~~u really knoe wats important in life...and what u realli need~~therex just some things that I see now...and i just think back to how i used to be obsessed with it~~for example decorating my locker~~it was alwaiiz a MUST DO THING that i did frm year 7-10~~but when things started getting a liddle rough in yr 10...hrmmmz i just didn't care anymore about it~~yes~~half my decoration thingyx were like faling off-_-''~~i'm actualli surprised that it didn't fall on aniones head~~~><
Now wat else is there for me to say?? The things that I've typed todaii are actualli things i've wanted to say for a while, but never got to it~~i juz wanna get it all out~~I knoe people have their own veiws on me, and many have been speculating about my education status as well~~I don't know y some ppl take so much interest in things that realli don;t concern them in any way, but i'll confrim all your suspisions....yes i am repeating year 11~~because i was sick, my attendance rate wasn't enough, so yeah~~i'll be doing yr 11 IB again next yr~~^^ I don't feel that i should be ashamed of this fact...y should i be?? It wasn't like I planned for this to happen, or that I was in total control of this matter~~the school felt that it was the best decision~~and in the end, i think it is too~~ I missed soo many classes, and my attendance rate is shocking...even when i looked at it, I was like O_o;;....so this is the best solution~~~
Before i actualli accepted it was the best solution~~i felt worried because of what others might think of mi~~would they think me dumb/stupid?? Would there be extra gossip among all those aunties and the people in my school~~what about those ba gua aunties which live in singapore~~once they hear about this, they'll have alot to talk about & spread~~but gues wat, i don't care anymore~~I've gone thru so much that wat all those people say can;t hurt me. They can do what they want~~as long as my mind is clear. I don't think i'm stupid or dumb~~i knoe that I could have completed yr 11 fine if i wasn't away from school half the time~~but i guess its just hard for others to see that side of u right~?? oh wellz when next yr comes~~it'll be a new yr~and everything will start afresh *^^*
those of u who read this may be like whoaaaa~~this isn;t the allie that i knoe~~but yeahx~~it just shows that u realli dun knoe anione that well, either than urself~>_^
take carez allrite~
xx allie xx
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