2005-02-08 at 9:30 p.m.
itx chinese new yr's eve tonite, a festive, happi occasion...and where am i?? at home, crying over some awful things said to me by my brother...
he juz found out that i was repeating yr 11 todaii...and as i was getting ready for the dinner, he confronted me, and i told him the truth, that i am repeating. Why should i deny it, i'm not ashamed of it, and therex no reason that I should be. Then he starts having all these scarcastic comments....and then he goes on and tells me "u wasted $20 000 in ur skool fees last yr...and ur gonan do it again, i warned u this would happen. See...ur frenx are all graduating be4 u, how does that feel??" Wat i realli wanted to do was rip that scarcastic tone right frm his mouth, unfortunately i have yet to find tat power of mine. Aniwaex i went on to cry in my room...and then my mum came looking for me as they were about to leave for the restaurant. She saw that i was in tears, and i relented at first, and juz said that i dun wanna go to dinna, but she knewn that my bro said something.
After that, i told her everything that happened...and my bro heard, and came bak to my room numerous times, with my mum present, and proceeded yelling at me, and saying awful things about me that aren't true....my dad saiiz itx cux he cares, thatx y he's soo upset/angry. Seriously i dun buy it, as if, and if this is the care he shows for me, i could do wifout it.
As my mum & dad went to dinna wifout me, (trust me they tried their hardest to persuade me to go, but having family frenx there, i knoe my bro would be a dick yet again, so betta not), i rang yinan, and told her everyhthing, then yinan told davron, and davron rang me. And online i've been talking to ppl which have been giving me advice, and juz instilling in me the things that i knewn frm way before.
The fact that I'm repeating and actually coping with it, is a miracle, lol~knowing me, crying 4 times in assembly...omgggg. And then my life is for me, i lead it for me and JUZ ME!!! No one can jeopradize my chances except for myself, so i juz have to hang in there...and i knoe that i'll achieve wateva i want, and i'll definitely be happy.
I'm lucky to have such gd frenx, eventhough we're in diff yr levels, their care & kindness nv stops. Friends are forever, and don't you ever forget it ^^ Eventhough I have said all this, i'm still kind of still upset...guess sometimes words can be the ones to make u, or break u. (brendax online name~~lol ^_^)
so am i worthy of this second chance?? am i worthy of my brox constant patronizing?!?! (I HOPE NOT!!! lol..about my bro patronizing me that is~~>_^) I juz hope that things will be peaceful, and that i can get along with everything as it was. I want to find that inner tranquil world....so when will i find it?? only time will tell right?? lol...XP
xx allie xx
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